When I was a kid my grandma used to babysit my brother and I almost every day of the summer. I was four and my brother was eleven at the time. There is nothing in this life that compares to days at grandmas house as a kid. Our days were filled with games and TV, delicious snacks and heaps of unconditional love. At the end of our day in paradise, we sat on the front porch waiting to see our mom’s station wagon come over the top of the hill. It was the daily routine, relaxing, reflecting on the day, waiting to get picked up so we could go home and do the same thing tomorrow. 

One day the station wagon never came. 

When thinking of the experiences that changed my perspective, I don’t think anything has had a bigger impact than the passing of my mother. As I mentioned, I was four years old at the time. I had to do a lot of growing up without a mom, and as I’m sure you can imagine, that changes things a little bit. 

While as a kid I may not have fully understood how I was different, I did know I was different. I didn’t see the world with the same eyes most kids had. Relationships aren’t the same when you have a dead parent, going to school isn’t the same when you have a dead parent. From playdates to real dates, nothing is the same when you have a dead parent.

Other experiences that have shaped my perspective have served their purpose. Deep meditation and reflection has helped me rethink my past and drugs have helped me question my reality. But nothing has set things in perspective like the loss of my mom. I am a firm believer that the worst thing to happen to you is exactly that, the worst thing to happen to you. It’s hard to compare traumas, but I believe that there is strength and wisdom in suffering. People who go through more will just see things different than others who have gone through less. 

I’m thankful for my perspective. There are plenty of good and bad effects from my loss, but I can’t imagine who I would be without it.