“So, how are you?”

“I’m good,” they said blankly.

“No, but really, how are you doing?” a pause, a thoughtful look on their face.

“Honesty?”

“Yeah, how are you doing, honestly??”

Many of my interviews started with this dialogue. Most of their replies were “tired”, and then we would move on.

Later that night we were waiting for our friend to come in the room so we could scare her, being as childish as we are. The instant she opens the door we yelled and one girl even ran up to her. She just stood there and said 

“See how I didn’t even flinch? That’s how bad I want to end it all.” She followed this up with “I have an essay to write.” Before I could even ask all of my friends to interview them, they were giving a clear look into what I wanted to question them about; how has school affected your health? All through the night, one after the other the pattern of ‘shit, I got work to do’ was expressed. 

In another interview I did, we both commiserated over how draining just being in public was, from classes to parties. I asked when the most tired he had been, and he explained it was at a party. For three days he had felt physically and emotionally exhausted, yet he still went with friends, but the whole time he just kept thinking, “I don’t want to be here”.